When 2 people come to couples counselling , they may not both have the same agenda . Sometimes one person has already decided that they want to leave the relationship and wish to use the therapeutic space to find the courage to let the other person know . The work here is to help you leave the relationship , enabling you to find the skills to do this without blaming each other .
When 2 people have decided to stay and work through, what they perceive to be the problems , my role is to facilitate you in understanding that you are still individuals who have chosen a relationship with each other
I work towards helping you gain a greater understanding of how you each communicate . Some people predominantly communicate in a felt sense way , others are looking out for visual cues and others pay a lot of attention to the meaning of words . Of course we all communicate in all of these ways , but some are more dominant than others .
I also help you to understand your defences and look at how you can perceive a threat that is not really there , despite it feeling very real in the moment .
Early attachment patterns are always replayed , through a different narrative , in the present. I will ask you about those old ways of relating and how you feel you are repeating similar ways of relating now
My approach is help you experience each other in the present and help guide you towards a greater sense of appreciation of each others differences . I encourage meditation, deep emotional connection , and visualisation within the therapeutic experience .
We came to see Caroline nearly 20 years into our relationship, having reached a point where we were feeling stuck and knowing we were not communicating effectively. Whilst attending the sessions as a couple, Caroline helped us to view ourselves as separate people with our own needs and energies. We used a combination of talking about our past and present feelings and events that had shaped us, mindful breathing, visualising and using affirmations to work through our feelings. By challenging and supporting us to deal with our needs as individuals, we were able to take greater responsibility to grow stronger and therefore come together again to relate to each other more positively, with kindness and understanding. After a few months, we now have a range of strategies, we feel more honest about ourselves and towards each other, and therefore more hopeful and excited about our shared journey. Couple ( Worthing)